Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
