she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
