Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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