Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
