it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
