Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
