I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
