Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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