Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
