The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Be still, my beating vagina.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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