it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
