Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Boobs speak an international language.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
