can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
