would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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