I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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