I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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