I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
