I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
