First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize