Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
