Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
