The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
