I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
