I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
