she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I faked an abortion last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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