i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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