I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
