I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
