these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
