That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
pray to the hookup gods
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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