Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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