We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
