I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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