fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
