The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
