If that was your dad, he is hot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
