pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize