He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
