The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
