I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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