I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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