sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize