Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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