Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
