She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
