there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize