That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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