im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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