You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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