when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
