I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
