I can text with my tongue
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
