So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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