I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
third nipple confirmed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
