am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
