Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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