This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
