they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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