well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
