I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
