They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
