Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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