please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
