I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
