If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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