I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
