How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
