'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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