He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
