the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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