He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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