my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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