I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
