listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
