I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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