The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
