The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
